“What are you smiling about?” he asked.
Her hand flew to her mouth. “I’m not smiling.”
“You were before like you were remembering something.”
She groaned. He knew her so well. “I was just thinking back to high school and how I was the nerdy science geek.”
“And I was a football jock.”
“But somehow we became best friends.”
“We sure did.”
The truth in her heart, begging to be spoken, was then we became more. But she wouldn’t let those particular words fall from her tongue because that stupid package had almost split open the splinter that was still raw inside her heart. Nevertheless, being around him filled her in a way she hadn’t experienced in a long time. It was a light from the past that brought her warmth. If she let it, it could illuminate her future. She clung to hope. She needed a lamplight of some sort to guide her forward. He knew her the best of anyone, she wanted that familiarity and comfort amidst so much uncertainty. She fought a silent battle and finally came up with a truce. They were both in a small town, making it difficult to avoid each other. They had a shared past, there was no denying that. As it stood, Rachel’s future was uncertain. Her mind-heart-body decided she and Ryan could rekindle their friendship so she wasn’t so alone. But nothing more. That part of the treaty was highlighted and underlined.
“Do you think we could try being friends again?” she blurted. After the devasting news, she really needed a friend.
As he gazed through the windshield and into the beams of light from the truck’s headlights funneling the snow as it came down, his jaw twitched, his lips pressed together, and the conflict in his eyes caused her heart to hurt.
He cleared his throat. “Yeah, I’d like that.”
She was still in shock from Ryan’s reappearance, the box under the tree and what it had meant, and the very fact that she’d left Miami, but the weather at that moment was of greater concern. It was likely what Ryan also struggled with the most. In part, it was mother nature who had taken away the lovely, kind, and generous Susan Kelly.
Rachel drew a breath. “I wasn’t expecting this storm. It’s practically whiteout conditions. You’re welcome to come in and wait for it to pass.” It was the right thing to offer, the reasonable thing. She would’ve offered shelter to anyone in need or passing through—neighbor or stranger. It had nothing to do with the fact that it was Ryan, the boy she’d once loved. It wasn’t that she wanted to know if he’d become a man that she could be friends with.
It was also because she knew what was going through his mind. She knew him too well.
His hand gripped the wheel as the truck idled.
Susan Kelly had been flown into one of the larger towns nearby for a grocery run. The conditions hadn’t been ideal and the pilot had a stroke. When the wreckage was found, she was gone. Scattered around were protein bars for Ryan, Parker’s favorite cereal, and new socks for Clark. All the brothers blamed themselves.
If they’d told her to wait for the conditions to clear up, maybe she’d have…
If he hadn’t asked for those special bars that were only available at Myer’s Health Food Store…
If only…
Rachel knew all about the what-if game. If there a Superbowl level competition for it, she’d be a worthy opponent against Ryan.
“Hopefully it’ll let up soon.” Ryan raked his hand through his hair as though balancing between two difficult choices.
She didn’t want to think he hesitated because of her, their past, or the box.
Then he suddenly slid out of the truck and slammed his door. Before she was able to open the passenger side, he’d pulled it open and took the box of kittens from her lap. As he did so his hand brushed the back of hers. The magnetism between them pulsed. He quickly moved away.
Shivers ran up her spine. Like the place where he’d gripped her arm, the spot seared from his accidental touch. She told her body to shut it down. Offering Ryan stay an hour or two for the storm to slow and the plows to clear the roads was the civil and safe thing to do.
“We should get these guys settled in.” He trudged up the path to the dark house where Rachel had lived her entire life.
She followed his massive footsteps, wincing as the snow dropped into her sneakers.
Rachel’s mother, Sheila Moore, had worked as the secretary to a nearby lumber company for over twenty-five years. She’d also taken odd jobs, looking after other people’s kids, cleaning houses, and helping local business owners with bookkeeping. While Rachel was in kindergarten, she’d saved enough to buy the rented house from the homeowners when they’d decided to retire in Arizona. Sheila had taken a lot of pride in the home and was fastidious about cleaning and decorating.
If Ryan noticed the changes in the house, he didn’t say anything. Boxes were stacked against one wall where the Christmas tree usually stood. There were bags for donations and a jumble of household items Rachel planned to try to sell at a yard sale in the spring.
She was going to try to explain, but the words caught in her throat.
As Ryan refilled a bowl of water for the cats, she said a prayer. When she opened her eyes, he took two mugs out of the cabinet. Of course, he’d known his way around her house since they’d spent so much time together in high school, but she was surprised to see him return so quickly to that comfort level.
She brushed past him and put the kettle on. “I can do it. Did you want anything to drink?” She was torn between having good manners and the harsh reality that Ryan Kelly, the Ryan Kelly was back in her life and she wanted to be friends with him.
“I got it. I figured we could use something warm.”
She dropped two herbal gingerbread tea bags in their mugs—one decorated with Christmas elves and the other with mini Santa heads. The box wrapped with Christmas paper that she’d accidentally opened came to mind again.
It had said Please, say yes. She needed to say no.
No to Ryan’s presence.
No to the mixed feelings she had.
No to anything other than friendship.
No to everything other than focusing on the reason she was packing up the house and preparing to sell it.
What she needed was closure on the past, when he’d run without explanation, leaving her, the girl he was going to ask to marry him, all alone. And truly being alone loomed in her near future. Or maybe because she was back home and the heartbreaking and inevitable conclusion with her mom, part of her wanted the familiarity of a friend, of Ryan.
She squeezed her eyes shut at how complicated all her feelings had become.
He lowered into a chair at the kitchen table. It was covered in tape, a black marker, and stacks of old newspapers.
“You’re back in town, but it looks like you’re leaving soon.” He leaned back in the chair.
She nodded then shook her head. “Just relocating.” It was the only solution she could come up with to pay the hefty medical bills.
“Back to Miami?” he asked.
She opened and closed her mouth. Rachel knew returning home was the right thing to do, the only thing, but the career and dream she’d given up still pained her. It was selfish to think that way and made her feel empty and guilty inside because her mother was the one who was truly suffering.
She couldn’t answer his question because her future was uncertain. “I just want to get through the holidays,” she said. It was the best answer she could give.
“Yeah. I know the feeling.”
At those words, she recalled his loss had recently doubled. “I’m sorry about your father. I would’ve gone to the funeral but—” She was careful to be sensitive to his recent loss on top of how difficult it was to be outright mad at him. Being numb, indifferent, or at least telling herself she was for all those years, was easier.
He waved her off. “I couldn’t expect you to fly all the way here for me—” He stopped himself. “I mean, my family. It’s no big deal.”
Except it was. She was struggling with what it would mean to lose someone she loved dearly. “Actually, I was on a boat out of range doing a project for my doctorate. I found out when I got back but by then they’d already had the services.” She explained a bit about her degree and research in the mid-Atlantic. “We’d discovered a rare form of plankton, which proved a hypothesis…Never mind. This can’t possibly interest you.”
He raised his eyebrows. “If you recall, I enjoyed when you talked nerdy.” A smirk appeared on his lips.
Her stomach tickled and she shifted in her seat. “Well, raising funds for research and the actual research itself bores most guys.”
“Rachel, I’m not most guys.” The smirk turned into a wolfish grin.
Heat splashed her cheeks. She ignored how the tickling feeling turned into fluttering. Had she been able, she would’ve gone to his father’s funeral even though seeing Ryan would’ve caused her untold anxiety. But bumping into him on the trail was on another level all together.
Again, her entire being was at odds: mind, body, heart all vying for different things. She’d learned of Mr. Kelly’s death the same day she’d returned to the mainland. She could’ve been on a plane the same day and gone to Ryan’s side—to be there for him. Instead, she’d boarded one bound for Colorado less than a week later, but without a return ticket. She should’ve expected to run into him at one point or another. But she didn’t expect him to want her to be there during the difficult time. Rachel wrapped her arms around her chest.
“Chilly?” Ryan glanced at the kettle, which was slow to boil.
They were both still in their running gear. “I should go change.” She hurried out of the room, but not because she was cold. Being so close to Ryan ignited those old feelings and she was warm all over.
After she swapped out one pair of leggings for another and tugged on a sweater, the kettle whistled. She rushed from her room to turn off the burner on the stove. It was dark at the foot of the stairs and she collided with someone solid. Her body smacked into Ryan’s. She had a sudden and deep sympathy for every football player he encountered. His arms were quickly around her, holding her steady.
He asked, “Are you okay? Sorry, I was in the living room starting a fire and heard the tea kettle.”
She gazed up into his eyes. They twinkled in the growing light that came from the living room. “You started a fire?” That was thoughtful of him.
“Wanted you to keep warm. And the kittens,” he added.
He had no idea. She was still in his arms and every inch of her skin was blazing. She’d gladly go stand in the snowstorm if only to cool off.
His gaze dipped to her lips then he took a deep breath before he let her go.
She hurried into the kitchen.
The passion they’d shared as high school sweethearts was so strong it shouldn’t have surprised Rachel that there’d still be residual feelings so many years later. It would be so easy to slip back into their old ways. Except for one thing. He’d taken off. He’d left. She couldn’t easily forget that.
Mel Gough loves writing about love – but with a twist. Nominated for the 2019 Selfies Awards, her bisexual romantic suspense novel He is Mine is a typical Mel Gough story. She needs her HEA fix, but on the way there will be thorns and fire, and sometimes brimstone. All right, that might be over the top, especially since her stories are firmly based in the real world - though not always in the here and now.
